The Colour of Your Skin

In last Saturday's Daily Mail there was an article by Jasmine Allibhai-Brown regarding the growing number of Asian and Black women in the UK having cosmetic surgery and using products to lighten the tone of their skin. Though not an entirely new phenomena, Black and Asian women have been using various skin products in the hope of lightening their skin and have been straightening their hair to obtain more "western" hairstyles for decades, it seems according to the article that cosmetic surgery as a an option has grown dramatically and especially among Asian women.



The point of the article, as far as I could make out, was the growing number of women from ethnic backgrounds feeling inadequate with their own appearence especially when they are constantly bombarded with images of what constitutes beauty in a western society. Normally those images are of white women or if of any ethnic background then of fair skin. Light or tanned skin, hair that is easily styled, eyes that are luminous or transparent are seen as the ideals which there rest of women must live upto. Let me state here that not only do women of ethnic backgrounds find those ideals almost impossible to live up to but so do most women in general.



As I stated earlier, Asian and Black women have for years been using products to make themselves appear more western. I remember as a child going shopping with my mother in the predominately Indian area of Wembley and finding all sorts of products in supermarkets which were meant to help lighten skin or reduce blemishing. There were products to help straighten hair, oils to make hair more pliable and manageable and many more products which I had never seen at my hairdressers or supermarket. These products were targeted solely at women of darker skin. Most of them also seemed to come from Africa or the Indian sub-continent.



I Take the point that the power of the media has had to play with how we view ourselves not only physically but also mentally. With the explosion of cable and satellite television in the developing world, the mass marketing of beauty magazine, the onslought is relentless. Instead of developing their own unique set of images, the developing world has borrowed and heavily relied on those of the west. I was shocked when after years of not seeing an Indian movie I saw one recently. Songs and dance are integral part of an Indian movie. I always explained to my non-Indian friends that I believed the songs depicted sex and kissing that would normally occur in an a western film. Since kissing and sex is banned in Indian movies songs allow the director to show the amorous intentions of the characters. However the songs have become as raunchy as a Brittany Spears video. Where once the women would be dressed in Saris they are now scantily clad with more and more naked flesh on view. Times have changed but I believe that is to blamed on the influx of western media on the continent. So it is only normal that young women would want to become and look like their heroes.

But the media is an easy escape goat, an easy target. We should take a look at ourselves as well. Going to a traditional boarding school back in the eighties I was only one of a few Asians there. There were no black pupils at all. At the school I was made to feel both directly and indirectly that the colour of my skin was something to be ashamed of. My very brownness made me different from the rest of my peers both physically but worse still culturally. Up until I went to boarding school at the age of eight I had never seen myself as different nor felt myself to be different. But suddeenly overnight my colour, my darkness, became an issue. I stood out and became an easy target because of my physical appearance. I started to resent who and what I was. I spent hours soaping myself down in the shower, scratching my skin with pumice stone and covering myself with talcum powder in the hope that I could whiten my skin. It may sound silly but it´s not a far leap from there to having cosmetic surgery or using products that are no better than bleach on yourself. I did so because I did not want to be singled out and abused. I wanted to be like the masses and the masses were white.

For me the desire to look western is directly linked to the violent racial abuse I recieved as a child. Yes in part it comes from the images, mostly black and white movies, I saw as a child. But if I am to be perfectly honest it also comes from a desire to distance myself from a race and culture that made me a victim, one that I came to resent and despise. So I bleached my hair blonde, grew my Erol Flynn moustache and took and interest in fashion. Perhaps later in life the desire was not through a desire to distance myself from my heritage as I came to appreciate my dual culturism. However I can understand the feelings that many people of ethnic minorities feel when it comes to their appearance and especially for women for unfortunatley their appearance is scrutinized far more than we men.

There is also the racism and prejudice that we hold within our communities, one that we would not readily admit to but would notice on closer inspection. I use my mother as an example not because she is racist but to make the point of how sublte our prejudices can be. Whenever my mother refers to an Asian girl she will inadvertedly mention the tone of her skin. She says innocently, "A little on the dark" when relating to me the physical appearance of the girl. In of itself , it is a harmless comment. However it hides the fact that even within the Asian community, the tone of and colour of a woman´s skin is important. In her article Allibhai-Brown wrote about a friend of hers who was having difficulty getting married while her younger and fairer sister had had no troubles. It is seen as a huge advantage to a girl for her prospects of marriage if she has fairier skin, light eye colour or straighter hair. And this desire for parents of boys to marry girls of fairer skin has been centuries old. Perhaps it comes from our colonial past as a hang up but I think it is fair to say the the lighter skinned women of the himalayas, of Afghanistan were always seen as more beautiful when compared to woman of the south of India.

It is therefore completely understandable that more and more Asians and blacks are resorting to cosmetic surgery just as their parents turned to oils, milks and lotions. The media is partly to blame but we ourselves are more to blame for allowing centuries old stereotypes dictate the future happiness of our children.

Manners

Every morning I take the bus to work, six days a week, fifty weeks of the year, over the last four years. It gives me the opportunity to observe the behaviour of my fellow human beings. Small, almost invisible, actions reveal a great deal about a persons character. Do we push ahead in the queue, do we offer our seet to an elderly person, do we help a mother with a pram board the bus? Sadly in my experience over the last few years, the answer is a resounding no. And what does this say about us? How does this reflect upon the society we live in?

Common decency, good manners and civil politeness have, in my opinion, become endangered species. It is no longer the norm to have a sense of basic etiquette but the exception. People push and shove to get to the front of a queue with no regard to those forming a line. People turn their heads away when an elderly person comes near. People remain in their seats as they watch a mother struggle to get a laiden pram onto a bus. And this failure of the most basic human decency is not solely confined to my daily commute. Elsewhere, in every aspect of daily life I come across this indifference. Dealing with a bank, getting help in the supermarket or a shop, trying to get help over the phone, there is a whole array of interactions that people simply fail to give the basic level of courtesy.

Before I get accused of generalizing, which of course I am, I should explain that I live in Marbella on the Costa del Sol, Andalucia, Spain. And why should this relate to what I am writing about? Simply put, each country and more specifically, each culture, has it's own norms about etiquette. Here, for example, it's quite natural to shout rather than talk, it's almost obligatory to speak at the same time. What one person finds rude, may just be a cultural difference. I have witnessed many an arguement caused by such misunderstandings. That is an aside. Nearly all countries and cultures share a basic understanding of common decency. Here, I constantly hear people talk about the "mal educacion" of so and so. That simply translates to someone being badly behaved. But it seems we all are "mal educado".

So what has happened? Has life become so demanding of us, has our time become so limited, has our personal space become so invaded, that we have neither the time nor the inclination to bother about our behaviour? I believe that explains it in part. But good manners come to us at an early age and then they stick with us.

In my experience parents that spend time with their children, those that get invloved in all aspects of their children's lives, and those that provide a stable environment tend to raise well behaved children. Those children then carry the set of values they have absorbed with them for the rest of their lives. I would point out that I make no assertion as to a particular family set up. A parents love for a child and their ability to impart knowledge does not have to be confined to a nuclear family model. It was not in my case. Yet in our generation, the time parents have for their children has been greatly reduced. Children today learn most of their behaviour from the television, internet and friends. And therein lie the real culprits. In the world of multi-media there are no parameters, no guidelines, no points of reference. More and more the images that are broadcast show people being cruel, spiteful and hostile. For example, reality programmes on television demand the worst of their participants. Instead of being rewarded for aspiring to be better those that take part are belittled and ridiculed. This then constitutes the accepted pattern of behaviour. More ofte than not those who show almost no respect for their fellow human beings, or themselves, are placed in the limelight and showered with attention.

These negative images of human interaction and behaviour are prevelent everywhere and are easily accessible to children. So called reality programmes on television, You-Tube on the internet, happy-slapping on mobiles, are but a few examples. Today, the shere quantity of images bombarding us is simply staggering. And more and more, the message behind those images are ones that depict the worst of human behaviour. As these sources of information and knowledge become the primary point of reference for children, it's no wonder that society as a whole suffers.

Of course the internet, mobile videos and such like are relatively new forms of communication and cannot be blamed entirely for the decline of good manners in society. However, since the 1980's as the forms of communication became more accessible and as the amount of time parents had available to be with their children declined, the gradual ebbing away of our values began. Over the past decades many people have complained about the violence in movies, the dumbing down of television and the messages potrayed in various styles of popular music. Most of these people were ridiculed and marginalized. They were accused of being old-fashioned and out of date. Today, many of us regret not having listened to them. It is now impossible to turn back the clocks. The world of communication is a multi-headed Medusa, cut one of and another grows back. Since no one in the media takes responsibility for their actions or decisions (and it's almost impossible to know who to blame), unless there is a widespread popular demand for change, there is little that will change.

This paints a gloomy picture. Sadly it places further preasures on parents. With so many demands on us in our daily lives this has become an additional one that many simply cannot deal with.

At the beginnng of this century, while suffering from a bout of profound disillusinment with the world, my brother told me that we were entering the age of Aquarius. This meant that we would be in an age of peace and tolerance. So far I have seen little proof of that. My conclusion, perhaps we can't change the world but it costs very little to give up a seat on the bus to an elderly person. It takes very little to be polite on the phone. It takes very little to accept blame when we are in the wrong and not to fault others when they are. If we start with ourselves, maybe others will catch on.

Thank you for reading this.